


regrets

by enjoying



Category: SHINee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 19:41:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10225673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enjoying/pseuds/enjoying
Summary: when did we start living separate lives?





	

"Jonghyun?" Kibum spoke into the phone, "When are you coming home?"

"I'm not sure," the man on the other line cleared his throat, sounds of a low bass and clinking of glass bottles in the background. "Can you do without me for another few hours?"

 _"I've been stressed lately, you know,"_ Kibum remembers Jonghyun saying a few months behind, _"Drinking is one of the only ways I calm down. But you don't have to worry, it won't ever get in between us."_ The dark-haired man had smiled so genuinely while saying those few words, Kibum had no reason to doubt him.

That smile, the one Kibum grew so fondly of. The smile that calmed him down after nights of panic and worry, the smile that assured Kibum that assured Kibum that he was good enough for self-love, the smile that led Kibum to be who he is now. A few years had gone by since he had met him, the childish smile drawing him in. Kibum wanted to know everything about the 26-year-old.

"Kibum?" Jonghyun yelled into the phone, the music clogging up his ears, not allowing him to even hear himself. "I'll be back in a few hours, bye." Jonghyun ended the phone call, not allowing Kibum to come out of the daze he was currently in.

It was like a switch went off in Kibum. The nights he spent waiting by the door at 4 a.m., the mornings he spent making coffee for Jonghyun to drink, the evenings they had spent arguing, they all came back to Kibum like strong waves on the shore, dragging him into the currents, dragging him away from the sanity he was promised by the man that supposedly loved him. 

Kibum assures himself nothing could have been done to change the ending of their story, as he shoves a handful of shirts in the too-small duffle bag he found in the back of their closet.

He gave all the effort he could have he reminds himself, as the cab's headlights flood the dark bedroom, Kibum's doubt filling his mind and conscious again.

Kibum closed the bedroom door as he heard Jonghyun slam the car door, a snide remark coming out of the cab driver's window as he pulled out of their small driveway.

"Kibum! Baby!" Jonghyun slurred, visibly less sober than what he sounded like over the phone only a few hours before. He clung onto Kibum, trying to drag him back into their small home, the smell of alcohol reeking out of Jonghyun's mouth.

"Please, let go." Kibum tried to say, which came out more as a whisper as he fixed the duffle bag dreadfully hanging off his shoulder, which luckily Jonghyun couldn't see, clutching the key to his car tightly, afraid it would fall onto the cold concrete that surrounded the both of them.

"Honey," Jonghyun said sweetly, "What's wrong?" he cooed, pinching Kibum's cheek."

"Don't touch me," Kibum said, trying to seem stronger than what he was feeling, but his voice cracked as he swatted away Jonghyun's hand, his hand landing on the duffle bag, which dropped to the floor quite ominously, both of them staring at it, not knowing what to do.

"K-Kibum?" Jonghyun stuttered, suddenly sobering up, putting two and two together. "Where are you going?"

"Just please," Kibum muttered, shutting his eyes as tight as he could, looking down at his feet, "Please stop." Kibum got the courage to grab the duffle, speed walking to the car, which seemed unreachable at the moment, as if the driveway was never-ending.

"Kibum, stop," Jonghyun pleaded, grabbing Kibum by the wrist, stopping the younger man dead in his tracks, frozen.

"Fucking let me go." Kibum said without moving, the words slithering out his mouth angrily, teeth clenched. At that moment, Jonghyun wishes he made a different decision. Not only at that moment, but every single time he had slammed the door to their shared home, angrily allowing beer to touch his lips after small, unimportant fights with his boyfriend.

Jonghyun had no other option but to let go and watch the man he so carelessly lost slip out of his life. Watching the 25-year-old he had spent the past four years with walk away from his life was the most suffocating situation he had ever been in. Kibum took one last look at Jonghyun and the home they had made so many memories in before choking back on his own tears and opening the driver's door and climbing in, throwing the black bag next to him, where Jonghyun had spent so many silent moments with Kibum, just enjoying each other and drinking in each other's company. Jonghyun stayed in the cold driveway, watching, until the headlights became nothing, disappearing in the night, never to come back again. Jonghyun dragged his feet into the now quiet, empty feeling home.

He went into the bathroom to wash away the tears drying on his face, his eyes so red he stared in the mirror for so long that he was convinced they'd stay like that forever. He looked down into the sink and found a note on a small sticky note perked up next to their matching toothbrushes.

"When did you stop feeling the same as you did four years ago? When did we start living separate lives?"

Jonghyun tried calling Kibum the next day, hoping and praying Kibum would answer, and everything would be back to normal, and that everything was just some sick prank Kibum tried to play to get Jonghyun back to his senses.

_"You have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again"_


End file.
